Oh boy, here it is! The follow-up to my blog post from last week on the 10 things I love about myself. So, once again, these lists are to show me that there are traits to love about myself–but also, it is important to accept the things I hate about myself. No matter how hard I work on these traits, they will always be a part of me. I could improve on them for sure, but they won’t ever go away so easily or completely. I am only human and will have slip-ups, and in those moments, I can’t fall back to self-loathing once again. On top of that, these traits might not even be anything to actually hate about myself, so it’s important I face them to see whether they’re even true or important.
I agree that more than anything, it’s important to come to terms with these traits I hate about myself rather than try to deny their existence or fix them out of existence. They are a part of me and I want to love my whole self–the good and the bad, so now I am here to share with you the 10 things I hate about myself.
10 – I’m too sensitive
I like that I am a sensitive, compassionate, and empathetic human being. It lets me relate to and understand others. However, with anything, there can be an extreme, and I am on the extreme end of this. I can be too sensitive, taking certain things personally, getting carried away with my emotions, diving into melancholy, and more. Sometimes I wish I were more laid-back and easygoing, better able to brush things aside and move on with life, but I usually get stuck in my emotions.
9 – I don’t think I’m good enough
My biggest critic may be myself. Although I have moments when I like to think I’m a good writer, multi-talented, and more, when it comes to facing things like competitions, submissions, or job applications, I suddenly think I’m not good enough. I think what’s worse is that it shows. I lack confidence and put myself down more than anyone else, which is the worst! I’m the one holding myself back the most because I only think about how everyone else is so much better than I am. Going off that…
8 – I don’t think I deserve to be happy
Honestly, I do think this is a very negative belief that is embedded deep within me. I’m not entirely sure why, but even with my constant search for self-fulfillment, I feel a lot of the times that in the end, I’m just someone who is not “destined to be happy.” Yes, I know it’s silly. I think it partly derives from another point about fear I will make next but it also is just me continuing to think I’m not good enough. There are brilliant, bright souls who I think deserve to be happy. There are hardworking, driven people I think deserve to earn their happiness. Me? Nah. I don’t deserve it. I can’t imagine a life like that for myself, which is so self-defeating.
7 – I’m anxious/fearful/negative
Okay, these are three points, but I think they’re so interconnected it makes sense to group them together like this. People tend to be anxious because they’re fearful, and that anxiety gives them a negative outlook on life. Anxiety keeps me back from doing a lot of things, but I am too scared to push myself out of the comfort zone at times. I still try to challenge myself, and I’m only getting stronger for it, but I know these traits won’t ever really go away. I feel guilty about them, too, when these traits show.
6 – I’m indecisive and don’t know what I want
What’s interesting is that I am an INFJ and the description says very clearly that the problem with my personality type is that there are so many things were are interested in. We want to do everything, and that means I don’t know exactly what I want because I want it all. It’s overwhelming and inhibiting. Going off that, I’m indecisive and overthink everything. I get carried away with what-ifs and trying to see the situation from all sides so I don’t miss a single thing. Even when deciding on something to eat at a restaurant, I wonder if I’ll regret the decision and am missing out on the other options. I’ve gotten better at that, though, I’m proud to say!
5 – I’m lazy
When it comes to schoolwork or actual work, I am usually not lazy. I’m diligent and like to get things done, especially because there are consequences otherwise. I like being reliable in those areas of my life. However, when it comes to my personal life, I’m pretty lazy. I don’t like the idea of wasting my time (even though I end up wasting it in other ways, anyway). It makes me feel like a bum, which I don’t like. I would love to be more active, but my inner sloth is always like, “Hm… let me think about this… nah…” I could wear a cute outfit… or opt for the more comfortable pants with the stretchy waistband and baggy top.
4 – I’m unoriginal
I loved reading and writing since practically birth, but I noticed after a while that even though I would write every single day, I never felt like whatever I was writing was entirely original. Of course they say it’s hard nowadays to be original at anything, but I feel like that’s also kind of a lazy way of thinking, like trying to excuse themselves for being unoriginal… but maybe I’m just being too hard on myself? I do agree it’s getting harder and harder to think of innovative ideas because so much has been done already in books and media, but it’s a bit different for me. I feel like whenever I write, it’s because I’m inspired by whatever book I’ve read or movie I’ve watched recently–which is natural, but not when I feel like I’m just mimicking that style.
3 – I have high standards for everything, including myself
I was surprised to recently realize I must be a perfectionist–that’s why I am lazy and procrastinate at times, as well, because I am scared whatever I do won’t be perfect. I know this is silly because practice makes perfect and I have to fail before I succeed, but I have ridiculously high standards for myself and am worried about disappointing myself (re: I don’t think I’m good enough). On top of that, I have standards for others based on my own values, which in turn makes me a judgmental person. I hate that because it only makes me judge myself even harder because it’s only fair I live up to those standards, as well. Then I judge myself for being judgmental–and you know the drill.
2 – I’m too stuck in my own head
So I wrote this list maybe a few weeks ago and am now scratching my head at this point. This could mean anything! Maybe it’s that I’m an overthinker? I think it could also be a reference to my being stuck in fantasy land all the time. I’m a dreamer, which means a lot of the times, I try to flee from reality. This can be fun and great, but it’s an escapist tendency, which leaves me rather crippled in the real world. I just think, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t know how to be here.” It could also mean I’m a woman of many thoughts and not enough action.
1 – I’m not lovable
I’m not a lovable, agreeable person. It’s hard to be around people who are like that because I just think about how dull and dark I am in comparison. Don’t get me wrong–I like being sarcastic, sharp, and even monotone at times. However, I do notice that certain people have this brilliant radiance around themselves that other people are naturally drawn to. They easily make friends and get what they want (and I don’t mean in a spoiled, entitled way). I don’t really have that. I have a, “Don’t come near me,” vibe unless I feel comfortable enough to be the forward one in the relationship. But even then, I don’t have that lovable, friendly quality. I’m like the Darcy to the Bingley (if you read Pride & Prejudice). There always has to be a Darcy to the Bingley, but it’s not the pleasant role. I fully expect to be the bad cop parent in the future and can only hope I have a great good cop parent who will make it all worthwhile. What’s worse is I think it’s all my fault at times. It’s because of this and that (re: all the points mentioned above), which doesn’t do me any good, either. It’s just how I am. It is what it is.
I feel a bit depressed after writing this list of things I hate about myself, to be honest, but I think it was also a good cleansing to get it all out there. Everyone has insecurities and are overtly hard on themselves, so I’m going to take it all with a grain of salt. Or technically this is all just grains of salt, so I’m going to take it with… a grain of sugar? Either way, I do feel a bit more accepting of myself, so I think it was an interesting and helpful exercise in the end.
Feel free to share your own list of 10 things you hate about yourself down below in the comment section or on your own blog! Share the link with me!