Being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean you are shy and hate going to parties… but I, for one, hate going to huge parties because it’s just a lot of noise, people I don’t know and normally won’t hang out with, awkward small talk–and the list can go on forever.
However, there are times when it is necessary to attend such parties, so I have compiled a list to help my fellow introverts survive such occasions!
Stick by the food
I, as a self-claimed glutton, proudly announce that the only thing I would look forward to would be the free food. Going to a party might not be so bad if you focus on the fact that you can go there to gorge on delicious treats and unhealthy snacks. Stick to the table of refreshments because you would look more natural doing something, like constantly digging into the bowl of chips. Plus, while you’re there, the watering hole of the jungle, you may find peers you could relate to and chat with about the nacho cheese. If conversations get stale, well, at least the chips won’t as you shovel them into your mouth.
Find the pet
If there is a pet to be found–go find it, be it a cat or a dog or the python not allowed out of its cage in the basement. Okay, maybe not that last one. But let us hope that the host is an animal lover who would love for their pet to join the party under your watchful eye. Snuggle with the cat if the honorable beast bestows upon you such great an honor or play with the all-too-willing dog. Stay away from the python. You will look like you’re doing something and you’ll technically be socializing… just… not with people. Animals are the best companions, after all!
Cling onto one person
Let’s say your host is a terrible person with no pets. The alternative would be to cling to one person. We all know the drill. If you are able to find a mutual friend to attend the party with–great! Stick to that person’s side like I would to a waiter with a tray of pigs in a blanket, my new best friend. If you–the horror!–weren’t able to find a friend to go with or failed to bump into someone you know whilst there, your mission now becomes to find just that one person you click with to turn into your bestie for the night. In any crowd, there has to be at least one person you could talk to without wanting to melt into a puddle to slip away a la Alex Mack. Find the one, and never leave their side. No one can get a restraining order within a night. Remember this. But also… don’t be a creep.
Get breaths of fresh air
If it gets too stuffy and suffocating inside, then step outside for a breath of fresh air. Some people like to chill outside, maybe on the balcony or backyard, to chat with friends in a more quiet setting. Perhaps they are all the introverts. If so, you have found your people. Either way, it will likely be more peaceful out there, and you could recharge before heading back in. You could even offer to take the dog on a walk, so long as your friend trusts you not to run away with it. After all, the dog’s got to go eventually, right? Take these opportunities to collect your thoughts and brace yourself for the rest of the night. Let the air refresh you!
Sit with your phone charging
Your phone is your best friend if you have no other options. Sit by an outlet with your phone, acting like the battery is beyond terrible so you need it plugged in and can’t just leave it there unattended. Put on a nonchalant, rather stoic, facial expression so no one will approach you. Rather, they would think you have very important texting to do (when you’re really just playing interactive story apps and hoping no one will come up behind you to judge you). After a while you can pretend you got an emergency text and depart the party, which leads to..
Fake an emergency and leave
“Oh no… I think I left my oven on, farewell,” and flee the scene. There are lots of excuses you can use here, like saying your sister suddenly needs you to watch her kids–or if you’re really desperate, saying you have the runs so you got to run. Must have been something in that nacho cheese. If you really want to be prepared beforehand, you could even tell your friend in advance that you will have to leave at a certain time. This way, you’ve created a way out for yourself without having to come up with an excuse on the go. To be extra prepared, let’s say you’re actually enjoying the party–make sure that the escape route you created ahead of time can be cancelled so you could stay longer.
Ideally, stick by the food with the new dog you’ve adopted and your new bestie chained to your side at the outdoor buffet table near an outlet for your phone to charge while you wait for a fake emergency call you’ve scheduled with that new app you found
Sounds pretty damn perfect to me!
For some reason, I always looked forward to my thirties when I would have classy dinner parties, though. Those don’t seem too bad…
Do you have any other tips for people to survive–or even enjoy–a party? Let me know in the comments below!