You know when you’re about to send an important text or email and you’re stuck in that phase of second-guessing yourself? Like, does this sound okay? Do I sound polite enough? Does it make sense? Am I forgetting something? Is this person going to think I’m rude or strange or stupid?
I completely understand you. I get like that all the time when I’m sending an email that is important career-wise or even an email to a new pen pal I’m just starting to get to know (Talkin’ to you, Nat!). What I end up doing is obsessively reviewing what I wrote over and over again, prolonging the suffering by refusing to click the send button until I feel ready. The longer it takes and the more I reread the message, the more insufferable it all gets.
I think part of this stems from guilt if I’m asking for something. Am I being annoying? Is this person going to want to say no to me? Even though I have the right to ask, like requesting a day off from work, I am racked with guilt for no reason. I’m just not the type that is used to asking for anything, which shows how I’m lacking in the area of self-worth and assertiveness.
I think this is a sure sign that we are not sure of ourselves. We are scared of rejection, being an inconvenience, or hurting our chances when we are worth what we’re asking for. I’m pretty tired of it. This doesn’t align with my journey for achieving self-love, does it? And that’s what this blog is all about, so I wanted to tackle this topic. It’s debilitating. It’s frustrating to remain frozen over a method of communication with other human beings.
I’ve done this a few times before, but I think it’s a practice I need to implement much more often: just press send. Nothing is going to change by my rereading something and tweaking a word here and there for minutes and minutes on end. The outcome will be the same whether I ask, “May I take next Tuesday off?” or, “Hello! I am sorry to inconvenience you, but I was wondering if you could permit my absence the following Tuesday. I would be super grateful.” (Please don’t send that second one anywhere.)
Reading what you wrote over and over again won’t even help because after a while, your eyes automatically skim through what you wrote without taking anything in. I’ve found that no matter how many times I reread something, I still miss or forget something after pressing send because my mind isn’t focused on the wording so much as worried about the possible outcome. My mind just loves to get ahead of itself.
Sometimes, I ask someone to read my message because I want a second opinion. It can be good to get an outside perspective, but in the end, you’re second-guessing yourself. You have to learn to trust in your voice and learn from mistakes. If I keep asking someone else to make sure I sound okay in this email or text, it shows a lack of trust in myself.
If there’s no rush, feel free to revisit the message at a later time when your mind is refreshed, but otherwise, reread it only a couple of times before forcing your hand on the mouse to press the dreaded send button. Click! You have to train your hand, and cut off your brain. This is a time when acting on impulse can be a good thing and something that you should aim for. Let yourself press send on impulse. It’ll feel much more freeing–once it’s out there, it’s out, so you really just need to let it get out there.
There’s no need to torture yourself over something that you’re going to send anyway. And don’t let yourself back away from not sending something because you don’t think you have to when all your instincts are screaming at you that you should. Whether it’s asking a stranger for an informational interview or an administrator for information about a program, just go for it!
Eventually, you will get used to this. You will become more confident and more trusting in your voice and your decisions. The more practice you get, the better you get, right? The same applies here. Soon, you’ll be sending batches of email with no hesitation in no time–what a force to reckon with!You have to do something a lot before you can get confident in it. The initial stages will be painful but think how brilliant you'll be later on. Go toward that light. Click To Tweet
Of course it’s easier said than done. I’m still working on pressing send without overthinking consequences or how I phrase things, but I think this is a good practice for asserting yourself. You have the right to ask something of someone or to express yourself.
Give yourself that power. You can’t guess how the other person will react or respond. They might indeed think you’re annoying, but why care? They might deny your request, so then what are the next steps you should take? It’s a natural process.
If you need more help silencing that voice within you that’s holding you down and keeping you from tapping send, feel free to listen to my latest podcast below. I wish you more luck on sending out all the emails and texts now! Stop second-guessing yourself! Feel that surge of power! Enable yourself to speak up! Go for it!